While I am always thankful for the freedoms and liberty that Independence Day stands for, it's title was never more ironic than for me in 2006. After 3 long years in a marriage that I was less than happy to be in, it just so happened that July 4, 2006 was the day I finally had the courage to walk out the door.
Even though I had been unhappy for almost the entire length of my 3 year marriage, I felt it was my obligation as a child of divorce to do everything I could to make it work. I threatened to leave more than once during that time but he was always able to talk me out of it. My mom and friends tried to tell me that I was beyond unhappy. I knew they were right and I knew my ex-husband was up to no good but my scientific brain would not give me the okay to leave until I had absolute proof of his wrong doings. Crazy, I know but that's how I work. He had always had a drinking problem that I eventually convinced him, or so I thought, to quit. By now it was May of 2006 and jobs were forcing us to move yet again. This time we ended up in Grenada, MS. He worked in retail management at a chain home improvement store in Batesville, MS and I had just taken a Marketing job at a coil production company in Grenada. I had always wondered how God ended up sending us down there but it wasn't long before I found out. He was aligning everything so I would finally be able to get out of the living hell I had fallen into. Before our move to Grenada, we had been doing some extensive marriage counseling. Somehow we ended having an "in-house" separation where we slept in different rooms. Looking back, I see how good his manipulation skills were because when I even think of letting myself be talked into this, I feel like a moron. My mom and friends kept asking when was I going to leave him. My answer was always that I would "know" when the time was right.
That lightning bolt of brilliance landed in my lap on the evening of July 3, 2006. He had gone to bed early since he had to work the next day at 6am. I went to his truck to get our lease for some paperwork I needed to fill out at work. Instead of the lease, I found tons of receipts from paycheck advance places like Check Into Cash. Granted we weren't millionaires but we were making good money, both over $40,000 a year, so why would he need to take out these paycheck advances? At that moment I had my proof that he was definitely doing something he wasn't supposed to be. There was no other explanation for needing that kind of money. At the time I suspected gambling or maybe some marijuana. Never would I guess what it actually was....he was addicted to cocaine. As a person who has never tried drugs or even been around people that were using drugs, I never picked up the signs. I just thought he was weird. I felt like a complete bafoon. I've always considered myself to be pretty smart but I dropped the ball on this one.
When I confronted him about the receipts, he never gave the drug reason. This came later. He said that the paycheck loans were because I was overspending on our monthly bills. Seriously?! After a lot of drama and him threatening to kill his self in front of me, I packed my stuff and left him on July 4, 2006. It has truly been the best decision I've ever made. Too bad the real best decision was to not marry him in the first place. So for anyone out there that might be in a similar situation, I hope you find your Check Into Cash receipts or whatever it takes to give you the courage to leave. Life is too short to be somewhere or with someone you're not happy with. I know it sounds easy for me to say but it's not. It took me 3 long years to be able to say it.
On a happier note, we hosted our first Fourth of July soiree at our house yesterday. We had a ton of family and friends over. It was a blast! And super tiring but so worth it. Here are some pics and finally a video of my husband attempting to break his neck on a Slip N' Slide. Enjoy!
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| Washtubful O' Banana Pudding |
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| Tons of Good Food |
Toastingly Yours,
