Thankful to be a Daddy's Girl

Daddy & I on my wedding day

On this Father's Day, I have to say what a blessing it is to have wonderful dad. There was a time when I didn't know if I would still have one. Back on October 31, 1996, I was a freshman at the University of Memphis. I was sitting in my dorm room when the phone rang. It was my mother and I could tell immediately that something was wrong. She began to tell me that she had just talked to my stepmom and my dad was in the hospital. I didn't freak out but just assumed it was not a big deal. I knew that my dad hadn't been feeling well for a couple of weeks, specifically a mind boggling headache. I had even visited him the weekend before and could tell he wasn't himself. He had already been to the ER twice but they were treating him for a migraine, which didn't work at all. His head still hurt no matter what medicines he had taken and was now becoming sensitive to light. When I went back home that night, I stopped at my mom's and told her I just felt like something was really wrong. So I pulled out her medical dictionary and called my dad. It had a nifty symptom finder, complete with the yes and no boxes and arrows pointing to the next question. After going through his symptoms with him, it came down to two possibilities: meningitis or a brain aneurysm. I told him that it must be meningitis because an aneurysm wasn't possible....if only. I encouraged him to go back to the doctor and tell them that this might be meningitis.

Now comes the part of the story when I realized it was a very big deal. He did, indeed, go back to the doctor and told them the meningitis theory. They sent him to a hospital other than the one he had gone to twice already. After the meningitis test came back negative, they did an angiogram to check for an aneurysm. My mom called to tell me that he had an aneurysm and would be having brain surgery the next morning. At that moment, my heart stopped. She said that I should go down there immediately.

That's exactly what I did. I got in the car and made the 2 hour drive to my dad's hospital bed. My stepmom had made the decision to not tell my dad the results of the angiogram until I got there. Watching his face as she told him and as he realized what was before him, almost broke my heart in two. My dad was invincible in my eyes and this stupid aneurysm was challenging that. I took a brief moment I had with him alone that night and told him that any disagreements we may have had over the years didn't matter at all. He was my daddy and I loved him more than anything. He reciprocated and we all settled in for a restless night of sleep. At 5am, the next morning, my stepmom and I watched as my dad was wheeled away into that terrible surgery. We had no idea that that moment would be the last "normal" one for the next six months.

The surgery took hours. I don't even remember how long it took but I know it was late that evening before we would be allowed to see him. He had survived the surgery but had a seizure as soon as he was taken to ICU. Once he was stabilized, we were allowed to go in. Words can't even describe seeing someone you love with bandages wrapped around their head and tubes coming from everywhere. It was a couple days before he regained consciousness. After he did, a whole new father was before me. He had lost his ability to speak. He thought he was talking but the words were mumbo jumbo. This frustrated him and caused him to become violent. He was moved to their rehab floor after a couple of weeks in ICU but they weren't equipped to handle him. Most people with brain aneurysms don't survive, so dealing with one who had and reteaching them everything was a challenge they had never faced before. By Thanksgiving 1996, it was apparent that a more extensive rehabilitation facility was the answer. Our Thankgiving prayers were answered when my stepmom found a place in Arkansas called Timber Ridge. They were experienced in helping those with non-terminal brain injuries. There my dad was able to learn to talk again and they helped him work on his short term memory and other issues. He stayed there until April of 1997.

Once he returned home, it was a unique experience. The father that returned home was not one I knew. My father was set in his ways and had been known to occasionally have a bad temper but this man was very quiet and soft-spoken. The man, who I marveled at his mathematical skills, struggled with arithmetic that would have been nothing in the past. He also lost any memory of the two years around the aneurysm and that included my high school graduation. This was particularly devastating to me because my father had always taken pride in my success in school and for him to not remember such a significant moment in my education was heartbreaking. It's now necessary to remind him of trivial things like taking a shower or his medicine.

I find the human brain such a unique organ. My dad often can't remember what he had for dinner but he can remember family stories from his childhood. Although I lost my father as I knew him that day in November 1996, I gained something much more valuable. I now appreciate the father that I have and know that no matter what he's been through, I'm still "daddy's girl." This was the beginning many trials and tribulations I've encountered in life so far. I can honestly say that I'm glad we all made it through and what I learned from it. It was the start of my becoming an adult. I now knew that those you love can be gone in an instant. While I wish this had never happened, I'm grateful to have had this experience and what it taught me. I know I don't see him as often as I should but I feel like I'm closer than ever to my dad. I hope all of you have that same luck. Love your dad today and let me know how important he is in your life.

Toastingly Yours,